Imagine living out your wildest and most sought after fantasies. Imagine that those fantasies are not remotely mainstream. Imagine being disappointed because what you had built up in your mind, every nuance and detail dreamt of over the course of your entire life up until the point that you lived it, could never be truly realized in real life. This is BDSM reality.
We all have fantasies. They are healthy for expanding our minds and helping us grow as people. Some people fantasize about scaling mountains, for others it’s traveling to see the world, and then there are the people, like me, who have specific fulfillment fantasies that involve detailed kink or sexual concepts. With more socially acceptable fantasies (scaling the mountain, world travel) people can easily find sounding boards within their friend groups to discuss their fantasies. This helps ground fantasies and keep them realistic. If one doesn’t seek out a friend group that specifically is accepting of particular kink/sex fantasies one can be left to simply let the fantasy grow until it becomes a thing that can no longer be fulfilled.
I once had a client who came to me asking for a very specific scenario. We discussed the scene, in great detail, several times in order to meet his specific fantasy need. Everything from what I would wear, things I’d say, and specific actions that I would do to him were agreed upon ahead of the session. The day of the session he arrived and before the session had even started he wanted me to change shoes. I accommodated as this was his fantasy fulfillment and I was being paid. Once the session began he repeatedly criticized different aspects of what I was doing. I ended the session before the agreed upon end time, refunded some of his money, and told him that he did not want a session with a Pro Domme. You see, he had the idea of what he wanted so embedded in his brain that someone actually taking control and not being exactly what he had been imagining in his mind for many years was not fulfilling. I explained to him that his fantasy could not be any reality that he would ever find because the nature of a D/s relationship does not allow the sub to criticize the Dominant within the context of a scene. The entire purpose of the D/s scene is that the submissive is giving control to the Dominant. That piece is always at the heart of the scene. The client attempting to control every action I took and move I made negated the scene entirely and removed the piece that made it D/s scene to begin with. Also, I’m a Dominant and I do not take kindly to being told what to do, pretty much, ever. He didn’t seem to understand what I was telling him. I know that was because he had never (he told me) been a part of any local BDSM group or been open with anyone about the needs he had. So his ideas about how a scene would look and feel were entirely based in his own fantasy and no reality had ever been introduced into it.
Finding a group within your local community to share ideas, fantasies, concerns, etc. is absolutely essential. I realize you may think you’re the only one that’s ever thought of the thing that makes your toes curl but I promise you that if you’ve thought of it a group exists in the world that gets toe curly at that exact same thought. And the best part of finding your people is that those people can help you obtain that toe curling experience while also keeping you grounded in reality.
Fantasies are wonderful. They are what encourages us to keep striving for whatever we’re dreaming about. They are also what can hold us back if we allow them to be all consuming. Adding the reality to the fantasy is what allows us to move onto the next fantasy. I can’t tell you how much I’ve enjoyed watching my own fantasies grow and evolve as I’ve lived them out and moved onto another. That’s what life is all about.
]]>Depending on what type of fun you’re looking to get into there are certain vibrators that are better suited. Some vibrators are versatile and can do a lot of things and some are specific to certain body parts and activities. If you want to maximize the functionality and pleasure your toy collection provides we have got you covered. Here are three different types of sexual fun you can have and some toy recommendations for each.
Discreet Public Play/Controlling Your Partner’s Pleasure
If you are looking for vibes that allow you to engage in discreet public play and enjoy the power of controlling your partner’s pleasure then wearable toys are going to be your best friend. Wearables come in many varieties from insertables that go in the vagina, rings that go around the cock, panty vibes which can sit in your underwear, and anal toys for some razzle dazzle. Depending on what your public activities entail, any option can work well. Most wearable sex toys either come with a small remote or have app-capabilities making it so that you can easily change function, speed, and intensity on the toys without anyone noticing. Some toys to check out for this type of sexual fun:
All Over the Body Stimulation
Vibrators can offer amazing sensations of pleasure to all the erogenous zones, it’s just a matter of finding ones with the right design to be used all over the body and not just in one area. Some considerations for an all over vibrator are the size and power of the toy as well as the shape of it. Some shapes, like being pinpointed or curved might not be the best for all over the body. You are also going to want to consider handle size if you are wanting something that has more reach to be used on all the different parts of the body with ease. Some of our favorites for all over stimulation:
Use It Together
Vibrators that can be used by both partners at the same time is a great way for both of y’all to experience a specific type of stimulation together. There are many variations that can be used for penetrative couple play, grinding, and so much more. Here are some recommendations for toys to use together:
There are many different ways to add vibrators to the fun of sexual activity. Whether you use these toys that were recommended or some different ones, all you need is a little imagination and toys can do so much to add fun and pleasure to your experiences.
]]>Everyone makes mistakes. At an event, early on in my exploration of BDSM, I walked up to a scene where another Domme was Florentine flogging her sub. I asked her questions and she was kind enough to not chastise me or embarrass me any further than I already just had. I didn’t know, being new to public play spaces, that one never attempts to talk to anyone involved in a scene. I learned that night and I’m grateful to the very kind Domme who explained the rules to me. This was a private space of a Pro Domme and she didn’t have rules posted as the majority of the time it was a private space. Any reputable public play space will always have rules posted and dungeon monitors roaming to make sure rules are being followed.
Rules. They matter a lot. In this lifestyle they are paramount. We have them in place because safety and security should never be compromised any further than absolutely necessary to achieve the end goal. Yes, we always want to be pushing boundaries. Yes, we always want to keep things exciting and feeling a bit of danger is part of this. However, this should never cross over into abject fear due to lack of planning, discussion, and agreement (consent).
The first rule is always consent. We do not engage with anyone without their explicit consent. There are scenarios where something is planned ahead of time and the scene may appear non-consensual. Consensual non-consent is a play scenario but, and this is very important, that is still discussed ahead of time and parameters are agreed to before any play is undertaken. Consent is everything the lifestyle is predicated on. I have yet to meet with any group around this country that doesn’t take this very seriously. This obviously includes that absolutely no minors are allowed to play within the lifestyle. I don’t usually engage anyone under 25. That is just my personal boundary but no one under 18 has ever been allowed to be a part of any community I’ve ever been involved with.
The second rule is safety. Never taking undue risk to achieve the intended goal. Impact play is inherently a bit dangerous which is why it’s always best to learn from an experienced player who knows human biology and understands which implements can be used where. Fire play, needle play, bondage, etc… these things should be learned from another who is very experienced. I learned needle play from a veteran piercer who was willing to show me how to do what where and how to do so while keeping the area sterile. Minimizing risk is absolutely always the goal while balancing that against achieving the intended goal.
The third rule is to remember that things change. What felt good yesterday my not be good today. Physiology is fun like that. This is why having a safe word in place at all times is not negotiable. Red was my go to with clients as it’s a universal safe word. Most dungeons I’ve visited use it as well. But use what you want so long as when it’s uttered play stops immediately. And I mean immediately. As a Dominant, my first and only priority in a scene is my partner. If they are safe wording something has gone awry from our original discussion, and I need to tend to them quickly. Remember that the goal is everyone’s satisfaction.
Having rules may sound counter-intuitive in a lifestyle where breaking the rules is kind of the point but trust me when I tell you that breaking the rules is a lot more fun when everyone is enjoying it.
]]>This month is all about sexual health awareness, but what even is sexual health? For many people the images that come to mind are about STI testing, pregnancy prevention, safer sex practices, and things of the like, but sexual health is so much more than that. According to the World Health Organization, sexual health is defined as “a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality.” So what is so important about sexual health that is not talked about? The sex-positive aspect of sexual health of course.
So much of what we talk about with sexual health focuses on trying to prevent diseases and infections, but what about the positive aspects of sexual health? Pleasure, exploration, and experimentation should be as much of the conversation as safer sex practices, preventing STIs, and fixing sexual problems. So here are some tips on how to prioritize the positive sides of sexual health in your life.
Pleasure and Sexual Health
When most people hear the word pleasure in relation to sexuality they only think of sexual pleasure, but there are many types of pleasure that impact your sexual health. If you want to enhance pleasure as it relates to your sexual health, take a look at all the different areas of your life. Are you experiencing pleasurable intimacy? By this I mean, are you engaging in intimate relationships that bring pleasure to your soul? Do you find pleasure in your relationships with friends? All of these are avenues that can impact sexual health.
Exploring your Sexual Health
Exploration is a healthy thing, when engaged safely, of course. There are many ways you can explore your sexual health–you can explore your physical body, your fantasies, relationship dynamics, your sexuality, so much and all of those examples tie back to your sexual health. If you are wanting to explore your body, toys are a great avenue. Explore your fantasies by giving them intentional thought and letting them go where they go. Explore relationship and power dynamics through kink and BDSM. If exploring your sexuality is of interest to you, know there is no timeline to it or specific checklist you need to follow. Our sexuality is an individual experience and journey.
Experimentation and Sexual Health
Variety is the spice of life and you can add some variety to your sexual health in a multitude of ways. You can experiment with different sexual activities and different barrier methods. Try out finger cots or latex gloves for manual stimulation like fingering or fisting. You can experiment with new positions in bed, by yourself or with a partner. You can experiment with gender presentation, power dynamics, truly anything that you can imagine. Experimentation doesn’t have to be extravagant or over the top, it could simply just be you exploring a curiosity you have about sexuality.
Though health is a part of the name, sexual health is much more than just the medical things. All the different components that go into you as a sexual being go into your sexual health, so give all those parts attention. Sexual health doesn’t have to just be about the medical, the preventative, safer sex practices, it also very much includes the positive.
]]>Did you know that August 8th is Female Orgasm Day? Well it is, so it is the perfect time to talk about female orgasms, but most specifically all the different types of orgasms the female body can have. There are about 11 different types of orgasms
]]>Did you know that August 8th is Female Orgasm Day? Well it is, so it is the perfect time to talk about female orgasms, but most specifically all the different types of orgasms the female body can have. There are about 11 different types of orgasms that can be experienced and we have tips for how to go about having them if you never have.
Clitoral Orgasm
Clitoral orgasms are the most commonly experienced orgasm. They are achieved from direct stimulation of the clitoris, most commonly the external portion. If you are wanting to achieve a clitoral orgasm you can start by playing with the clit with your fingers. You can drag your finger in circles around the clit, flick it back and forth, or gently massage it between two fingers. If you want to explore other types of stimulation for clitoral orgasms, vibration with a bullet vibrator or suction toys are great options.
G-Spot Orgasm
G-spot orgasms are experienced by stimulating the inner portion of the vaginal canal about an inch deep. It is a different textured part of the vaginal canal that actually stimulates some of the internal portions of the clitoris. You can try for a g-spot orgasm by inserting fingers into the vaginal canal and doing the come hither motion. If you want to use toys, choosing something that is bulbous and will allow pinpointed stimulation like the Little Dipper or Lelo Gigi 2 are great options.
Vaginal Orgasm
Vaginal orgasms are experienced during vaginal penetration, be it from a sex toy or a partner. Despite the popular narrative, vaginal orgasms are not that common. Nearly 82% of women report not reaching orgasm from penetration alone. If you want to give vaginal orgasms a go by yourself using a toy like a dildo is a great idea.
Cervical Orgasm
Cervical orgasms are one of the more complex orgasms for people to achieve because not everyone enjoys cervical stimulation or can necessarily reach their orgasm. If you have never touched your cervix I recommend paying closer attention to your menstrual cycle. Depending on the phase you are in your cervix is lower or higher. When your cervix is lower it is much easier to stimulate it. Using something like a vibrating dildo or a longer toy that vibrates is a good idea because it will make it easier to reach your cervix. It is important to take your time and be gentle when stimulating the cervix as it is a new sensation and can be overwhelming for some people.
Anal Orgasm
Anal orgasms can happen from a multitude of different types of stimulation. If you have never tried anal play before this is another one you are going to want to take it slow with. A good starting point is always stimulating the rim of the anus with just your finger. After you get used to it and relax the muscles in your anus you can move to inserting your finger in your anus. You can explore more anal play with things like anal plugs, anal beads, and anal vibrators. Some important reminders for anal play are to always use lube because the anus is not self lubricating and to be sure to take your time.
Nipple Orgasm
Nipple stimulation can lead to orgasm for some people and not so much for others. If you are more sensitive to nipple stimulation in the sense that stimulation leads to you feeling something then you may have better chances of reaching orgasm from just nipple stimulation. You can explore by rubbing your nipples with your fingers or by using stimulation from a bullet vibrator or a suction toy. If nipple stimulation is new for you, take your time and don’t stress if an orgasm doesn’t happen immediately.
Blended Orgasm
Blended orgasms are when two types of stimulation happen at the same time Generally, blended orgasms are used to describe clitoral and g-spot or vaginal stimulation at the same time, but it truly can be any orgasm that comes from two different types of stimulation happening at once. If you are looking for vulva blended orgasms rabbit vibrators and dual stimulators are great for making that happen.
Squirting Orgasm
Squirting has become a well known sexual activity, but not an easily attainable activity for everyone. For a lot of people g-spot stimulation works better at getting them to be able to squirt. You can try the come hither motion with fingers. If you want to use toys, metal toys like the Le Wand Stainless Steel Bow is a great option for direct g-spot stimulation. A common hiccup for people trying to squirt is that they get to the point where they feel like they are going to pee and instead of giving into the feeling, they pull back. Also be sure to drink your water to be well hydrated and empty your bladder before sexual activity.
Exercise Orgasm
Exercise orgasms are a little more complex to achieve. For most people workouts aren’t pleasurable, but rather dreaded and avoided. Exercise orgasms happen when core and pelvic muscles are worked, so focusing on exercises that center on those areas are good. If you have never done core exercises and don’t know where to start, I recommend Tik Tok, that’s where I go to find all my workouts. Don’t feel bad if an exercise orgasm doesn’t happen, they are one of the more sporadic types of orgasm.
Sleep Orgasm
Sleep orgasms or wet dreams require the least amount of work from you, because they happen in your sleep without needing physical stimulation. Though there is not anything you can do during your sleep to ensure you have an orgasm you can do some preparatory things to get your mind in a sexy place. Enjoying some erotica before bed, be it reading it, listening to it, or watching it in porn can help so that you dream sexy dreams as you sleep which can help you in having a sleep orgasm.
With so many ways to experience orgasms, which one are you going to try first? Whichever one you do try, remember to have the lube handy, because lube helps in making sex more pleasurable and achieving orgasms.
]]>Anal August is here and if you are already versed in the world of anal stimulation you may be looking for some options for shaking it up. If you are newer and more curious about all the different possibilities of anal play then you are in the right place. Here are five different
]]>Anal August is here and if you are already versed in the world of anal stimulation you may be looking for some options for shaking it up. If you are newer and more curious about all the different possibilities of anal play then you are in the right place. Here are five different activities and product options for you to explore this Anal August.
For the Newbies
If you are just beginning your exploration of anal play then the B-Vibe Anal Training Kit is where your fun begins. You get everything you need in the kit: an enema bulb for clean anal play, three different size butt plugs for anal training, a lube shooter, and a booklet to learn more about anal play. This is my top recommendation for anyone new to the wonderful world of anal play.
For a Solo Rim Job
Rim jobs are generally thought of as partnered activities, but what if I told you that there was a way to enjoy the stimulation of a rim job all by your lonesome and hands free? You can have that with the B-Vibe Rimming Plug. The plug is designed with beads that rotate right at the base of the plug so that the circular motion happens right at the opening of the anus. It might not be the same as a tongue going in circles, but it is pretty dang close, just add some lube.
To Cool Things Down or Heat Them Up
Anal temperature play is a great way to explore new sensations without having to do too much. There are a few different ways you can go about it. You can use cooling and warming lubes with a favorite toy like a butt plug or anal beads. You can use glass or metal toys and cool or warm them and then use them. Throw Icicles No. 46 in the freezer for a nice chill or place Icicles No. 12 in warm, boiling water for a few seconds to get it nice and hot before you put it inside.
To Really Push Things to the Extreme
Anal Fisting, how much more extreme can you get? Don’t worry if you can’t reach to put your own fist or forearm in your anus, there are toys for that. The Master Series Fisto toy allows you to experience anal fisting without having to be a contortionist. Fisting is a more advanced anal play activity, so if you are not used to deep and extensive anal play, maybe slowly work your way up to this.
Make Cleaning & Prep Pleasurable
Cleaning and prepping for anal play is an important step. If you want to make it a little more pleasurable get the CleanStream Shower Enema Set. The enema portion has bulbs similar to anal beads making it so that while you’re using it you are still experiencing pleasure and stimulation. You can have some solo shower sex with anal play and finish all squeaky clean.
A couple of weeks ago my newly single daughter sent me screen shots of a conversation she was having with a male dominant she was talking to online. A few exchanges into the conversation he started demanding she refer to him with an honorific to “prove her willingness to submit”. She laughed in response and told him that he was trying to play with the wrong person.
]]>By: Ethereal Creation
A couple of weeks ago my newly single daughter sent me screen shots of a conversation she was having with a male dominant she was talking to online. A few exchanges into the conversation he started demanding she refer to him with an honorific to “prove her willingness to submit”. She laughed in response and told him that he was trying to play with the wrong person. She knows that being referred to by a title is an earned thing and not something that can be demanded. It is all about respect in the BDSM lifestyle. And that respect must run both ways.
As a dominant, it is my job to make sure that the people I engage with in play feel that they can trust me and respect me. Neither of those things can be demanded. It takes time to earn those things whether that is in this lifestyle or anywhere else in the world, in any relationship. Trust is the basis for any good relationship, lifestyle included, and without it nothing else good follows. Making sure any submissive that engages with me knows that I am a decent human being, first and foremost, is of the utmost imperative. All of the rest of the dynamic follows from that.
From the outside the D/s relationship appears very one sided and the dominant appears to be the beneficiary. The fact is that both parties benefit and both parties have specific responsibilities within the relationship. The dominant is supposed to be directing and pushing the submissive to be the best person/submissive they can be while also maintaining control of the surroundings and/or life they share. The submissive is wired to be a people pleasing person on a fairly extreme scale. This works within the D/s relationship because the Dominant keeps the submissive from doing too much. At least, that is what they should do. The balance is different within each relationship because needs are different for different people. But the take away from this is that both people should feel respected, heard, and valued.
When meeting new people in the BDSM lifestyle, I do not allow them to use my honorific. That is earned. I have had submissives try to demand to use my titles from the beginning (which allowed me to see that they had no respect for me and saved me a lot of wasted time getting to know them). I always tell them Miss is perfectly fine until I determine otherwise. This has happened often in every setting imaginable. I believe in making sure that anyone who is part of my life respects themselves and me and offering up an honorific too soon does not illustrate that in any way. I value myself and those I allow in my life and they know it because they have earned their place and I have earned mine.
Back to the “gentleman” who was messaging my daughter, that ended rather abruptly after she explained that he would not be demanding anything of her until he had shown he was worthy of her submission. He uttered a few colorful words about her not being real and disappeared into the internet ether. I’m sure he is out there somewhere bothering some other lovely young woman and trying to assert his “dominance” without regard for her wants/needs. And this is why this subject came to mind for this blog. I have been part of, have seen, and have experienced the blatant irresponsibility of others and their ideas of what it is to engage in the BDSM lifestyle. Yes, there are many versions and many ways to live this. Yes, each one is different on its face and different in how it looks to others. But one thing, ABSOLUTELY, must be a part of each and every single relationship… trust. Trust is the cornerstone of everything else and it cannot be forced, coerced, or demanded. If you learn nothing else from me in these blogs, please take away this: No one is better than anyone else. We are all simply filling the roles that we fit and neither role is inherently better or worse than another. Until you trust the other person there is no relationship and if they expect you to engage with them without the trust being there then they do not deserve you.
]]>Are you looking to up oral sex in your life, be it as the receiver or the giver? Well, you are in the perfect place. Here you will get some information on how lube can help make oral sex more pleasurable, tricks to help blow your partner’s mind, and what toys to use for an oral sex experience by yourself.
]]>Are you looking to up oral sex in your life, be it as the receiver or the giver? Well, you are in the perfect place. Here you will get some information on how lube can help make oral sex more pleasurable, tricks to help blow your partner’s mind, and what toys to use for an oral sex experience by yourself.
Lube & Oral Sex
Now you may be wondering, “why do you need lube when using your mouth and you have saliva?” Well, there are a few different reasons. The first being that saliva evaporates and dries rather quickly. It also doesn’t have the same consistency as lube, which means it isn’t as slippery. Saliva can also throw off the pH of the vagina and you definitely don’t want that to happen. Though the mouth does produce a form of lubrication with saliva, there are better options. Using flavored lube makes it so there’s a little bit of razzle dazzle. If you enjoy fruity taste, I recommend Wicked Sweet Peach Flavored Lube, or if you want something less fruity the Wicked Salted Caramel Flavored Lube might be up your alley. Lube is particularly helpful during oral sex on the penis as it offers some coating to make sliding in and out of the mouth and throat a little easier.
Tricks for When You’re the Giver
When performing oral sex everyone is different, but there are a few tried and true tricks that work on most people or for most people. If you are performing oral on a penis and want to minimize your gag reflex, you can use a throat numbing spray or you can tuck your thumbs into your palm–yes it works, trust me. Now you have probably heard the suggestion of just spelling the alphabet when performing oral sex on a vulva and you can give that a whirl, some people do enjoy it, but there are some other techniques you might want to try. The first is to stimulate all the parts of the vulva, not just the clitoris. So put your tongue to work on the inner and outer labia, the vaginal opening, and of course the clitoris. If you need a refresh on the parts of the vulva to see the different parts you can stimulate, check out this graphic. Now when it comes to the anus the best tip is to go slow. For many people anal stimulation is a new thing so you want to take your time as you toss the salad so that the person on the receiving end can stay comfortable and relaxed so it is an enjoyable experience.
Toys That Simulate Oral Sex
There are times when we are by ourselves and oral sex is all we are wanting and if you have ever been in that situation, then you know how bad it can be. This is where oral sex stimulationsimulation toys come in handy, they are toys that essentially provide suction, as if someone is sucking on the clitoris. If you have never tried an oral sex simulator testing the waters is a good idea, because the stimulation can be too much for some. If you have never tried suction before Tt The Satisfyer One Night Stand is a great way to try it out. If you are experienced with suction the Satisfyer Pro 2 Generation 3 is a doozy of a toy, it adds vibration to the suction for ounces of pleasure.
Sexual confidence and independence are tricky parts of life for everyone. From bodily changes, life adjustments, and personal growth, sexual confidence and independence can waiver. Sexual confidence is the confidence you have in sexual situations and sexual independence is when that confidence is for your authentic sensual and sexual self.
]]>Sexual confidence and independence are tricky parts of life for everyone. From bodily changes, life adjustments, and personal growth, sexual confidence and independence can waiver. Sexual confidence is the confidence you have in sexual situations and sexual independence is when that confidence is for your authentic sensual and sexual self. If you struggle with building both your sexual confidence and sexual independence here are four different things you can try to help you be more confident and independent.
Put On Something That Makes You Feel Comfortable & Sexy
Comfortability is the first thing about being confident. So start by putting on things that make you feel sexy and that you feel good in. You can choose to dress in anything that makes you feel comfortable and good, be it lingerie, an oversized t-shirt, or a fancy outfit, and enjoy how good you look.
Take Nudes or Get a Boudoir Shoot
There is some serious power behind the lens of a camera and you can use it for your sexual confidence and independence. Taking nudes or doing a boudoir shoot can benefit your confidence by helping you spend more time looking at and appreciating your body. Taking nudes can help you appreciate your body and become more confident about it. If you aren’t ready for full body nudes or want to gain confidence on a particular part of your body then take detail shots, focusing only on specific parts. If you don’t feel confident in taking nudes on your own, doing a shoot with a boudoir photographer can be highly beneficial. With a photographer you get guidance on posing and someone to hype you up and make you feel like your hottest self.
Speak Affirmations to Yourself
Words matter and the words we say to ourselves about ourout bodies, about our sexuality, about our sexual interests matter. Speaking positive affirmations about yourself, to yourself is a great way to grow your confidence. You can repeat simple affirmations like, “My body is sex”, “I am the embodiment of sexual independence” or if you want to build confidence around a specific thing repeat affirmations on that thing, such as, “I love the curves of my body”, “my lips are delectable and absolutely kissable”. If you need help with more affirmations check out Dr. Jill’s list of sexual confidence affirmations.
Let Your Partner Compliment You
Now this last way may seem contrary to sexual independence, but no one is truly completely independent, we all need some help along the way. Your partner(s), if you have them, can be a great help in terms of your sexual confidence and independence. Accepting compliments they give you, in and out of the bedroom, can help bolster your confidence because you are hearing from someone else all the amazing things about you that can help you appreciate them yourself, which does wonders for your confidence.
If you struggle with your sexual confidence and independence know that you aren’t alone. It is an ongoing process to be comfortable and confident in a multitude of vulnerable, sexual situations. Just remember that our relationships with ourselves, our bodies, our sexuality are complex and take time and that’s okay.
]]>I was sitting at the “bar” of the event being held in an undisclosed location in downtown Washington D.C. I rarely do any type of play publicly. I am just not an exhibitionist. But I do love to watch others and soak in the atmosphere at events. I was approached by a man, and I knew what was about to transpire.
]]>By: Ethereal Creation
I was sitting at the “bar” of the event being held in an undisclosed location in downtown Washington D.C. I rarely do any type of play publicly. I am just not an exhibitionist. But I do love to watch others and soak in the atmosphere at events. I was approached by a man, and I knew what was about to transpire. He went through the social niceties “Hello”, “How are you?”, “Are you from around here?”, etc. With each of my answers he appeared to think he was getting somewhere with me. I decided to stop him early by letting him know I am a Dominant, just like him, and he would not be getting anywhere with me. It is always interesting to watch a Dominant man process the information that the woman in front of him might be more powerful and control hungry than he is. He gave a bit more effort in trying to persuade me that I should let him teach me to be submissive… and I had to laugh a little at his assertion. I know there are varying degrees of everything in the world, including submission/Dominance. I lean very far on the scale to the Dominant side and only after years of knowing someone can I trust them enough to demonstrate any submissive tendencies at all and those are never in BDSM play scenarios. The man eventually gave up and moved on with a “it’s your loss”. I just smiled and said, “I’m sure it is.”
Communication and respect. These are the core values of the BDSM lifestyle. The acts that many engage in can be dangerous. Those acts require an enormous amount of trust and care. One cannot engage with another without lengthy conversation regarding everything from life experiences, past relationships, medical issues, current fears, traumas… the list goes on and on. When one person is taking control of another in any way, they must truly understand the person they are engaging with and make sure that not only are they not harming that person (harm and hurt are very different things) physically or mentally but that what they are doing is in that person's best interest.
As I have explained before, I am a Sadist. I am also a Dominant personality. These 2 things do not necessarily go hand in hand. I learned, early on, that I enjoyed inflicting pain on my significant other. I also learned, quite early, that being in control is where I feel most comfortable. What took me years to fully control was myself. That is what a Dominant must learn first. If I allow myself to be triggered by others, then I am not in control. If I allow others to trigger me, I could be dangerous to someone with whom I’m engaged in play. Controlling my own reactions is always the first thing I must have on my mind, and it is a thing that I practice all the time in every part of my life. I am human and I make mistakes, but I do not allow that to happen in scenarios where I am fully in control of another human (that is a thing we Dominants like to tell ourselves, but the truth is, a safeword is always a part of play the sub actually has all the control) and their physical and mental safety is in my hands.
Back to the story, the man that approached me could have saved himself some time had he simply asked if I was a submissive. He did not. He also could have simply said “it is nice to meet a lady who is also a Dominant”. He did not. Instead of accepting who I am and meeting me where I am, he decided that I was not worth knowing and needed to make sure that I knew what a “great” man he was. That is not the impression I was left with. He did not exhibit self-control.
What I took away from the conversation was that he was a man that used submissive women to feed his ego and make himself feel powerful because he lacks self-esteem in some way. Someone who knows who they are and is comfortable in their own skin does not need to try to verbally persuade another to believe those things about them. People will simply see it and act accordingly. At least they do for me.
]]>It is vacation time for so many people, but before you pack your bags and head out for some fun in the sun we want to make sure you are as prepared as possible to have the most incredible sex while you’re away. Luckily, the energy of a vacation helps to make it easier to slip into sexy mode, but sometimes a little more is needed.
]]>It is vacation time for so many people, but before you pack your bags and head out for some fun in the sun, we want to make sure you are as prepared as possible to have the most incredible sex while you’re away. Luckily, the energy of a vacation helps to make it easier to slip into sexy mode, but sometimes a little more is needed.
Maximize Comfort
As amazing as hotel rooms are, they do sometimes have disappointing pillows, especially for sex. If you want to ensure you have sturdy support, bringing your own sex pillow is a good idea. The problem comes with packing, because it is pretty difficult to pack a sex pillow after opening from its original packaging. We recommend something that you can travel with like the Liberator Heart Wedge Sex Pillow, it is small enough to carry on the plane with you and the heart shape adds to the romance of the trip. Another thing to consider to maximize the comfort is by bringing along the Liberator Fascinator Throw so that you can put it down to keep any lubes or fluid from getting on the hotel bed and leading to an uncomfortable sleep.
Have Your Materials
It is really easy to forget some stuff when packing, it happens to the best of us, but you can’t guarantee that there will be somewhere to get what you need, so there are a few things you are going to want to remember to have in your bags. First thing is always lube. Never leave home without your lube. But the tricky part is that if you aren’t checking a bag it has to meet TSA requirements. If you need a recommendation you should try out Sliquid Organics Natural, it comes in a 2 ounce bottle so it will get through TSA with no problem. You are also going to want to pack your toys and chargers. Smaller, more lightweight toys are going to be your friend. A powerful bullet, like a We-Vibe Tango X can go a long way. You can easily throw cock rings into your luggage for some added penile stimulation. You are going to want to remember your toy cleaner.
Don’t Forget the Lingerie
Lingerie may not be for everyone, but it can help spice up a vacation and get you out of your normal headspace and sexy time routine. A springy babydoll can kickstart the festivities. You can also wear lingerie as a part of your outfit to help get yourself in a sexy mood throughout the day or the evening.
Start Things Outside of the Bedroom
Sex starts before the physical part, so starting to get in the mood from the minute you all start your day is a great way to go. You can have some aphrodisiacs during all your meals throughout the day, like strawberries at breakfast, oysters for lunch, and chocolate for dessert. Planning romantic activities throughout the day like a couple’s massage is another option for kickstarting things. You can also start things outside the bedroom with app-controlled toys, like the We-Vibe Tease Us Kit, that can be worn during dinner, so you can tease each other and get aroused to devour each other for dessert.
Plan for the Sex
Whether you are the type of people who enjoy just relaxing on vacation or going out on endless adventures, planningadventures planning sex at least once on your trip is a great way to have intentionally pleasurable sex. Sure, the drunken sex after a night out is a good time, but dedicating time to be with your partner sexually is a great way to help maximize the experience. You don’t have to plan every sexual encounter, in truth that would defeat the purpose of a vacation, but at least one encounter is a good way to ensure sex happens on vacation.
Now that you have a checklist of items to pack, ways to turn on the spice, and why you should schedule some sex on vacation, we think you’re ready for a phenomenal vacation. It’s also important to remember that relaxation plays a major role in pleasurable sex, so definitely keep relaxing as the top priority of your vacation.
]]>It’s Pride Month and for many of us this month can develop a lot of feelings from excitement, confusion, joy, and anxiety for various reasons. One common feeling for folks this month is questioning if they are queer enough. If you have ever had those feelings or if they come up this month this article will help you work through it so you can get back to a place of pride and celebration and existing as your authentic self.
]]>
It’s Pride Month and for many of us this month can develop a lot of feelings from excitement, confusion, joy, and anxiety for various reasons. One common feeling for folks this month is questioning if they are queer enough. If you have ever had those feelings or if they come up this month this article will help you work through it so you can get back to a place of pride and celebration and existing as your authentic self.
Why is This Question Common?
So many people question their queerness at some point in their life and you might be wondering why. There are a lot of things that influence it: media representations of what queerness looks like, bi/panphobia, lack of queer spaces, and a lack of queer community and education are just a few things. If the media is the number one place where you see people who share identities with you the depictions can start to make you question yourself. If queer characters are only shown as doing x things, dating y people, and dressing z way and you do none of those things it can easily start to seem like you aren’t actually queer because you don’t look like those depictions, but that isn’t true. This is why diverse media representations are important. There isn’t one singular way to be queer and the media should show all the variety that exist within the LGBTQIA+ community so that all experiences of queerness can be seen, validated, and celebrated.
What to Do When the Question Arises
If this question comes up for you there are a few different things that you can do to address it. First, probe what triggered the question. Did you see something? Did someone say something to you? What happened that brought on you questioning yourself and your queerness? Second, evaluate whether it is something that is true to you or external messaging from outside systems. Do you feel that you don’t live authentically to yourself for some reason or have you just heard messaging about queerness that you have internalized that aren’t true? Third, recenter yourself. Take some time to sit in your queerness in whatever way feels best to you. Go out and be in community with other queer folks, enjoy some queer art and music by watching a tv show or movie, like RuPaul’s Drag Race or But I’m A Cheerleader, or read a queer book. Though external validation may be difficult to find, I am sure there is some representation of your queerness out there.
How to Self-Validate Your Queerness
When external validation isn’t available, sometimes we have to turn inwards, so here are some ways that you can validate your queerness yourself.
Some Reminders This Month and Always
However you choose to address the question of am I queer enough, always remember that the answer is yes. Queerness is not a checklist, but who you are. It is also not a constant, it changes and evolves throughout life, including the specific labels that you might use to define your queerness, and that is okay. It is also important to remember that this question comes up for nearly every queer person at some point in their life. I hope it offers you some comfort to know that even elder queers at some point were exactly where you are. The last thing to remember is that your queerness is always valid. Whether you are out and publicly queer, only people in your close circle know, or you have never told anyone but yourself, you are valid as a queer person and welcome into queer spaces.
You are seen, loved, and celebrated this month and always. Happy Pride Month, now go be gay & do crimes!
]]>We were reaching the end of the session he had paid for. I had put him through the paces thoroughly. After being bound, blindfolded, and beaten for the last 45 minutes he was near the point of exhaustion. As I slowly unbound him
]]>By: Ethereal Creation
We were reaching the end of the session he had paid for. I had put him through the paces thoroughly. After being bound, blindfolded, and beaten for the last 45 minutes he was near the point of exhaustion. As I slowly unbound him and removed the blindfold he asked if he could cum. Let me be clear, dear reader, I am not and never have been a prostitute. No acts that could be considered sexual by an untrained eye have ever occurred in my professional experience. None. I responded with absolutely not. He attempted to argue. I cannot tell you how pointless it is to argue with a Dominant… especially one that has just been engaged in heavy pain play. His response that “he paid me” told me all I needed to know. What he paid me for was an experience with me. He paid to know what it is to submit your will to another, be taken to the edge, and not to be dropped over that edge carelessly. I told him that he would sit, drink the water and eat the chocolate I had handed him, and allow his heart rate to return to normal. He was not happy but seemed to understand that I was not going to budge. I tell you this story because it’s one that seems to happen a lot within the BDSM community. People want to experience the idea of what they think this is without understanding what it is they are asking for. In this case, a submissive contacted me for a session. I explained what I offered, in detail, and we reached an understanding before the session. There was another discussion just before the session to insure understanding. And this still is how it unfolded. This is why I started teaching classes in all things BDSM. Education and exposure are how things become understood.
Now, let me tell you more about who I am. I am a cis female, straight, monogamist, dominant, sadist. My earliest relationships were dominant/submissive based even though I had no idea what any of that was at the time. I have always enjoyed inflicting pain on my partner. The means of infliction has varied over the years and depending on the partner. I was a Dominatrix for a time. I was strictly a deliverer of pain for pay. That was an interesting 10ish years that I will delve into on a deeper level later in this series of blogs.
I’ve had many variations of relationships. I’ve experimented with submission. I can see the appeal, but I am a control freak, and I was never comfortable giving over full control to another person. The trust portion of that is more than I can muster. I am always comfortable if I’m leading, although there is something to be said for being pursued.
I’ve always been the things I am. I was not aware that I was anything different until well into my 20s. Keep in mind, there was no internet when I was growing up, so I just thought everyone was like me. How would I know any different? It was not until I was dating someone in my late 20s and his sister and I were talking that I Iearned about this world. It was then that I also learned that I was not like most females. Dominant females are not common. That was my first introduction and where my learning and understanding began.
Throughout the past 30ish years, I have learned, watched, experienced, listened, traveled, explained, and taught. Once I knew this community existed I started exploring. Slowly at times and with more gusto at others. I’ve been to several big cities and visited their clubs/dungeons. I have been extremely active in my local/regional community at times and less so more recently. Covid began my hesitation to visit large groups and I have not really gotten back to where I was pre-virus. I also have a wonderful (soon to be) husband who is not really kink savvy and isn’t really interested and that’s ok. Our life is filled with so many places where my dominant side is on display and he absolutely loves me for it rather than in spite of it. We work and that’s all that matters. He’s not submissive. He’s strong in areas where I am not and I balance him in other areas. But I digress… you want to know about the kink world and what it’s all about. It’s about what you want it to be about for you. It’s entirely personal. What you seek will be what you want and that’s as it should be. Part of my goal is going to be to help you figure out what you think you want and how that fits in the BDSM community.
These blogs, going forward, are going to cover everything I can think of to demystify this community that is just a bunch of people looking for fulfillment in their own unique ways. Which is really what we all want in the end anyway.
I hope you will stick around as I delve deeper on this subject and offer insight in the blogs ahead.
Take a second to think about your masturbation routine. Is it pretty regular? Are you in the same position, using the same methods or stimuli? Though it is easy and what you’re used to, it is a good idea to shake up your masturbation routine now and then. If you’re wondering why or how don’t worry we have you covered!
]]>Take a second to think about your masturbation routine. Is it pretty regular ? Are you in the same position, using the same methods (toys, digital stimulation, etc.) or the same stimuli (such as porn or erotica)? Though it is easy and what you’re used to, it is a good idea to shake up your masturbation routine now and then. If you’re wondering why or how don’t worry we have you covered!
Why Shake It Up?
It is important to shake up your masturbation routine occasionally because we are constantly changing in terms of our physical bodies, what arouses and excites us, and discovering new things about ourselves. When you try different things from your masturbation norm you may discover a new type of stimulation that is just as or maybe more pleasurable for you. Shaking up your masturbation routine is also important because the body is physically changing, so masturbation techniques that used to work may not be as feasible or enjoyable as before. Shaking up your masturbation also makes space for you to explore new desires, fantasies, and arousals. If you have been contemplating exploring some kinks, trying kinkier masturbation activities could be really exciting (wearing a gag during or introducing impact or temperature play). Shaking it up is also important because the body learns your routine so sticking to the same things may lead to your body expecting things to go in a very specific way for sexual activity.
How to Shake It Up
If you are unsure where to start with shaking it up there are three areas we recommend: location, position, stimuli. For many people masturbating in the same spot is very common, generally the bed or the shower/bath. If that is you try masturbating somewhere new, like the couch or laying out in your backyard or on the patio on a blanket(if you have the privacy). A new location can offer some novel excitement without having to think too hard about how to shake things up.
The next way is with the position. Depending on where you regularly masturbate you may gravitate to the same position regularly, but there are so many different ways to position the body to experience more or new pleasure. A lot of people generally lay on the back or in a seated position, but there are so many options. You can try being on all fours, laying on your belly, or propping one leg up on a surface, like a Captain Morgan pose. There are literally so many different positions to try, all you need is a little creativity.
The last way to shake up your masturbation routine is by trying different stimulation for your masturbation session. If you tend to watch porn, especially the same type of porn, venture into other eroticas. You can listen to audio erotica with apps, like OhCleo or Dipsea, or you can listen to an audiobook of something steamy. You can also engage with your partner(s) by having them send a spicy text message of what they would do to you if they were there or instructions on how to self-stimulate. Changing up the stimuli also can help you become aroused in new ways or offer some creativity in terms of new things to try.
Some Added Spice
You can also add a little razzle dazzle to your masturbation routine to shake it up. If you already use toys, trying a different stimulation than normal is an easy way. If you know you enjoy vibration give suction a try with something like the Satisfyer Pro 2 Generation 3. You can also add additional stimulation to the toys you already enjoy with something like a butt plug. You can add in some spice by playing with sensations. Wearing a blindfold while masturbation can heighten physical sensations. A pillow to hold sex toys is another way to shake it up, like the Liberator BonBon or the Liberator Fleshlight Top Dog.
However you choose to shake it up, know that you don’t have to do it everyday. Just an occasional spicing up is beneficial to keep things fresh and fun when it is just you and yourself! Don’t be afraid to use your imagination as you feel inspired, you’ll be surprised by how creative you can be with yourself.
]]>Do you feel like you're not in the moment when you're masturbating or fully connected to your body? You are not alone in this. Adulthood is difficult, and for many of us there is always so much on our plates that it can be hard to table all those thoughts and focus on masturbating and pleasure. If that is you, then we might have something to help you to be more present when masturbating and embody your pleasure while masturbating. Introducing meditation to your masturbation routine might help you out!
How Can Meditation Help
Meditation is a practice that is done to help someone become more aware and attentive while also helping with emotional calmness and mental stability. The bodily awareness that meditation can help you connect with will allow you to feel what is happening in your body more fully. It also helps you in being able to clearly pay attention to what you are feeling, meaning you can recognize if you are focused more so on stressors in life or something exciting and pleasurable. Another way that meditation can help enhance your masturbation is by making it so that you'reyour consciously and intentionally pleasuring yourself because you aren’t aimlessly masturbating, but rather very present in the moment and yourself.
How to Start Meditating
If you are completely new to meditation you don’t have to try and do too much, you’re not a monk. You can start with short guided meditations that focus on getting you present in your body. There are a bunch of different apps for meditation, like Balance and Aura, or you can check out meditation videos on YouTube. I have a whole playlist of meditation videos already made to make it even easier for you. I recommend starting with five minute videos and after a while you can move up in length if you like or switch to unguided meditations.
Additional Benefits of Meditation for Pleasure
Now that you know what meditation can do for your mind in terms of masturbation you might be wondering what else it can do for pleasure. After you have gotten the swing of things with meditation using it to play with your senses and toys is a great option. When you get yourself in a pace of awareness you can use toys to see how different types of stimulation truly feel on your body. Grab different types of toys, a suction toy like the Satisfyer Pro 2 Gen 3, Satisfyer Wand-er Woman, and the Satisfyer Double Joy to see how the different types of stimulation truly feel in and on the body. With meditation and a better awareness of your body you will better be able to tell what feels different between various toys on different parts of the body.
Meditation has a lot of potential for your masturbation routine, for your pleasure, and just connecting further with your body. It can feel overwhelming in the beginning but with some consistency and grace for yourself you will see impacts from meditation in many areas of your life, not just your pleasure.
]]>Things are heating up temperature wise and if you like to cool down with some wetness you are in the right spot. Here are 4 different ways to make things more wet and wild, sexually that is. If you worry about the clean up of wet sex don’t worry, you have options. The Liberator Throw eases any worry about messes in the bedroom. It is a blanket that absorbs fluids without them bleeding through to the other side. The throw is a great option if you are using lube and don’t want it to stain your sheets, you’re having period sex, or if you are preparing to put on a water show by squirting.
LUBE!
Lube is one of the easiest ways to make things wetter in the bedroom (or wherever you engage in sexual activity). There are many different lube options from water-based to silicone to oil-based and hybrids. Depending on the activity and if any additional materials, like sex toys or barrier methods, are being used you might want to use one type of lube over another. You should never use silicone lube if you are using silicone sex toys. Oil-based lubes should not be used with condoms/barrier methods as they can break down the material and make them ineffective. You should also be mindful of allergies and sensitivity when choosing lubes. If you are ever in doubt about a lube go with a water-based lube as water-based lubes are universal lubes and safe for all toy materials, all condom materials, and generally good for folks with sensitive skin. If you want to add some lube and minimize mess, lube shooters are a great tool to keep on hand. You can directly put lube in the anus or vagina for sex.
Shower Sex
Take the fun to the shower! If you really want to be wet while with a partner or by yourself the shower is a great spot. If you are going to be engaging in any type of penetrative stimulation you are still going to want to use lube, even with you being in the shower. Water-based lube is a great choice, because the water can be used to “reactivate” the lube to make it slippery again. If you want to add some more pleasure to the shower be sure to grab a waterproof sex toy, like the Womanizer Premium.
Period Sex
Take advantage of some natural additional lubrication with some period sex. Depending on the flow of someone’s period you may be able to skip lube altogether. If you are apprehensive or nervous about period sex and don’t know how you feel about it it is a good idea to have period sex on a lighter day of the cycle. If you aren’t ready to venture into penetrative period sex there are still ways to have fun. You can minimize mess and stick to digital stimulation or just toys and you can wear Lorals latex underwear to really keep the mess minimal. External toys like bullet vibrators are great for period sex.
Squirting
If you want to create the wetness yourself, venturing into the world of squirting is one way to do that. It is important to note that not everyone can squirt and that’s okay. If you aren’t sure, but you want to give it a try here’s some tips for it.
Spring cleaning is a common ritual for many of us to prepare our spaces/lives for all the newness that the new season will be bringing, but why not extend your spring cleaning to your sex life? It is really easy for our sex lives to become monotonous or stale, but a little spring clean can revitalize and refresh your sex life. Here are a few ways you can spring clean your sex life.
Take A Look at Your Sex Life
Before you start throwing things out or completely revamping take a look at the current status of your sex life. You can journal to intentionally reflect, but you are going to want to think about three important things: pleasure, experience, and novelty. Would you say that your sex life is currently pleasurable? Are there things that are pleasurable to you and some things that are not? What are your sexual experiences like? Do you feel like you are heard by your partner(s) in terms of what you want? Do you feel like you speak up for yourself during sexual activity? Is there any novelty in your sex life? Are you repeating the same patterns (the way you masturbate, how partnered activity is initiated, etc.)? When you have a better idea of the moving pieces you can proceed with actual “spring cleaning”.
It’s Not Me, It’s You
If your reflection illuminated that some (or most) of the staleness of your sex life stems from a partner, take stock of that. Now, if you are in a committed/long-term relationship it is better to have a conversation with your partner(s) about shaking things up and igniting that flame. But if you are more so having casual hook ups and have a roster that you rotate it may be time to bench some folks and recruit new talent that listens to you and is aligned in terms of what you are looking for with your sexual interactions.
Brush Up Those Communication Skills
Now it may seem like spring cleaning doesn’t require communication, but you can’t just throw out every aspect of your sex life, especially if it involves others, so making sure you are communicating as best as you can is important. To brush up on your communication skills you are going to want to pay attention to what is and isn't working with your communication. Are you actively listening to your partner(s)? Are you being honest and direct when communicating with them? If you see that direct communication is a struggle for you, getyou get into the practice of rehearsing things before having the conversation with the actual person. Stand in front of the mirror and practice what you plan on saying.
Reconnect With Yourself
Even if you are in a sexual relationship with someone else, the center of your sex life is yourself and reconnecting with yourself is an important part of spring cleaning. It is very easy for us to disconnect from ourselves with the hustle and bustle of our day to day and though it may not seem like it impacts you sexually our daily lives can greatly impact our sex lives. There are a few ways to reconnect with yourself: mindful masturbation, self-love day, and embodiment practices. Mindful masturbation turns masturbation into a meditative practice that helps you to fully experience and be present for every sensation you feel. You can do this by starting with a meditation, find one on YouTube or use a meditation app like Balance or Aura, and after you have meditated a little start masturbating. A self-love day is exactly what it sounds like, a day where all you do is love on yourself how you want to be loved. This looks different for everyone and doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual in nature. You can take yourself out on a solo date to eat and the movies, spoil yourself with a spa day to truly relax, or just spend a day on the couch watching a show you have been dying to watch but hadn’t made time for. With a self-love day you are going to intentionally make space to give yourself what you want or need. Giving yourself what you want or need in a non-sexual setting can help to make it easier to do in sexual situations. Embodiment practices help you to connect and focus on you as an erotic being. It is an intentional practice that can focus on a multitude of erotic activities from writing/reading erotica, self-stimulation, being present in one’s body, to so much more.
Physical Spring Cleaning
Now that you are more connected to yourself and your partner it is important to do the physical aspects of spring cleaning. For this you are going to start with lubes and barrier methods (condoms). Did you know that lubes and condoms expire? Well, they do and I am guessing you probably haven’t checked those expiration dates, so go do that. For condoms they are on the back of the wrappers and with lubes they are usually on the bottom or side of the bottle. If it is expired, get rid of it and get some new ones. I recommend Pjur Aqua if you are wanting a water-based lube and UberLube if you are looking for a silicone lube. The next thing to spring clean are your sex toys. Get rid of the toys that you don’t like or that don’t work anymore. Be sure to wash and charge all your top toys so they are ready when you are. And if you are reallyyou really trying to do a spring refresh look into some new toys. Satisfyer has updated their Pro 2 with the 3rd generation and the We-Vibe Tease Us kit is a great couples option.
Let’s Fung Shei
Lastly, update your space. When is the last time that you revamped your bedroom? Maybe it’s time to rearrange the room or add to the space with some smell good candles or incense, update the bedding, and add some romance to the room to really set the mood for sexy time. The space you are in plays a major role in your mood and energy and if you want your mood to be sexier make your space sexier.
These are just a few ways to spring clean your sex life to reignite the spark, by yourself or with a partner(s). Just remember that your sex life can be anything you want it to be so clean it and revamp as you see fit. There’s not one-size-fits all for a sex life, but they all can use a refresh from time to time.
]]>St. Patrick’s Day is around the corner and for many it is about drinking and others it’s about getting lucky. If you are the latter you may be looking for some new places to get down and that’s fair. It is really easy to get into a routine with our sex lives that is a little lackluster.
]]>St. Patrick’s Day is around the corner and for many it is about drinking and others it’s about getting lucky. If you are the latter you may be looking for some new places to get down and that’s fair. It is really easy to get into a routine with our sex lives that is a little lackluster. Having sex in new places adds some spice to the routine, so here are four different places you can get lucky that increase in riskiness.
Getting it on in the car is a lot easier for folks that have a garage, but if you don’t there are still some ways to enjoy the boom boom in the vroom vroom. There are three things to consider for play in the car: time, location, and battery. Night time is a bit of a safer bet for most people because it’s dark so people can’t really see into your car. Just be sure you don’t park directly under a street light or it defeats the purpose. You have to be very judicious about where you decide to park your car. Sex in public is illegal so you want to minimize any chances of being arrested for indecency. Parking in something like a parking lot way, way in the back usually is fine, especially if it is a parking lot with trailers or overnight parking. The frequency of cars being there late in the evening unbothered makes it so that you have better chances of being undisturbed. And the last thing to think about is the car battery. If you are in the garage you don’t want your car running because of carbon monoxide poisoning, but if you are in an open parking lot, especially during winter months you may want to keep the car running to keep the heat on, unless you think that you and your partner(s) will be able to produce enough heat to keep y’all and the car warm. If you aren’t ready for the full experience of car sex you can try using some toys in the car together. It is lower risk and a new way to engage in partner play. Grab a stroker or a travel size toy, like the Blush Limited Addiction Power Vibe and have a ball.
Now the movies were the spot during high school to fool around and that young energy is just what is needed sometimes so recreate it at the theater now. Before you do this you have to plan accordingly. First things first, you don’t want a popular movie. You want something that has been out for a while and didn’t have too much interest from folks. The emptier the theater the better. Second, theaters do have cameras so you don’t want to get too carried away. I would not recommend any real penetrative play that requires a lot of moving. You might want to stick to digital and manual stimulation such as fingering, hand jobs, and caressing of the body. You also have to be mindful of where you sit in the theater. You don’t want to be near the front, because you want to have a line of sight on the entrances/exits to see if anyone walks in. Third, hygiene is important. As much as I am a supporter of flavored lube I am not a supporter of popcorn flavored fingers touching genitals so either skip the snacks or be sure to wash your hands as soon as you are done eating and before you touch your partner. Remember though that engaging in sexual activities in public is illegal so you have to be mindful of that before doing anything and use your best judgment on if the time is right.
I do mean the airport and not on the actual plane for this one. And this one might be less risky than others thanks to the airports themselves, but you are going to use the family restrooms. Every airport has them now and they are definitely large enough for two people to fit in there comfortably. You are of course going to want to use your best judgment in terms of timing. Don’t snag the family restroom when you see a family with toddlers and kids making a beeline for it. This will also take some logistic planning. If you have a layover just make sure it is long enough that you won’t run the risk of missing your connecting flight. If you are flying non-stop, be sure to have enough time before your flight. I would also recommend opting for red-eyes to make this happen. There tend to be less people and they are more tired so they aren’t paying too much attention to what is going on in the airport so you won’t really be noticed if you and your partner slink away together. I also suggest the family restroom over trying anything on the actual plane because no one wants to be on the no-fly list.
Getting it on in the office is not for the faint of heart. Depending on your office set up and policies it can be highly risky. If you have your own office it is a bit easier to do. If you share office space then you might have to get creative. The hard part with the office is finding time. I would never recommend during the workday, but there are some workarounds. Plan a date night with your partner, but make it so that they have to come pick you up from the office at the end of your workday. You’re going to have to “finish something up” causing them to have to come in and wait while you finish stuff up and as other coworkers are trickling out of the office. When the coast is clear in terms of you being the last person in the office you and your partner can have some real fun and the best part is when it’s all done you and your partner can still go on the date. A few extra tips for this: if you work at a company that has changed the working set up since COVID and some days some people are in the office and others aren’t, plan for the days with the least amount of people working in the office or folks who are known to leave as soon as the clock strikes and the workday is done. Be smart about the outfit choice, the focus should be on ease of access so it’s easy to pull yourself together should someone be coming. And lastly, be vigilant. You have to have some good hearing to make sure no one is coming or anything like that.
Wherever you choose to have sexy time be sure to be careful and cautious especially if you are wanting to not get in trouble, with law enforcement or the company you work for. But the thrill of getting lucky somewhere new and even a little risky can be fun so give it a go if it tickles your fancy!
]]>Want to start your new year off with a bang? No, we’re not talking about fireworks on New Year's Eve. We’re talking about taking that midnight New Years' kiss to the next level.
Think about how often you have sex. You’re probably not having sex every day, but you could be. If you’re in a rut, don’t sweat it. Most couples have been there.
Kick the year off right by completing a 30-day sex challenge with your partner. It’s exactly what it sounds like — having sex every day for 30 days.
Why do the challenge
Having sex frequently can help you and your partner feel more emotionally and physically connected. It’s about more than sex. It’s about strengthening your relationship. A 30-day sex challenge is a way to increase intimacy, relieve stress, and set the tone for the rest of the year.
Being intimate so often will make you and your partner think of creative new places and positions. The possibilities are endless. Orgasms are good for you, after all, and throughout the course of this challenge, you can try to achieve new orgasms you haven’t experienced before.
Ideas to try
Over the 30 days, switch things up by:
How to make it work
Spontaneity is sexy, but you shouldn’t count on it. To really accomplish having sex every day for a month, you might need to be more strategic some days and actually plan out when you can get it on.
Sex also involves foreplay, so pay attention to how you can get yourself and your partner in the mood. Flirt with one another, try having sex in places you normally don’t to spice things up, and try new positions to keep it fun and fresh. And, remember that quickies count!
Before you get started, talk about the different ways you want to have sex together and get excited. Just don’t put too much pressure on yourself or your partner. Consent is always necessary for sex. But when you’re both committed to the challenge, you can make it happen.
You may end up turning this 30-day challenge into a challenge of 35 days, 40 days, 50 days…
Be honest — you watch porn and your partner watches porn. If you’ve never considered watching porn together before, it may sound scary or intimidating, but it can strengthen your relationship.
This may challenge what you’ve heard about porn before. Maybe you’ve read that it’s bad for relationships and sets unrealistic expectations, but when you actually understand the benefits of watching porn together, it can change your sex life for the better.
Here are some of the ways watching porn together can strengthen your relationship.
It can help you communicate your desires
You and your partner can take turns showing each other porn that explores your deepest desires. Showing your partner what you want to try can be more comfortable than just saying it out loud. Plus, for visual learners, it’s a great way to figure out how to turn what you’re watching into reality.
Let watching porn together open up an honest dialogue about everything from threesomes to BDSM to roleplay. You name it!
It can give you new ideas
Ever gotten outfit ideas from Pinterest? Watching porn is the same thing, but for sex. Everyone's sex lives can become lackluster at some point and porn is a great way to get new ideas you wouldn’t have come up with together before.
It can lead to healthy conversations
Porn isn’t designed to be realistic. Sometimes porn is simply entertainment and sex work is just that — work. If that’s not your line of work, you can’t hold yourself to the same expectations as what you see on screen, and neither can your partner. Watching porn together can lead to these kinds of conversations about expectations for sex in your relationship.
It can help you set boundaries
Of course, watching porn can help you open up about what you want to try in the bedroom, but you may not have considered the ways it can help you establish boundaries, too. If there’s porn that makes you uncomfortable, establish those boundaries with your partner. It will make them more aware of what you don’t like during sex.
It can get you in the mood
Watching porn together that you both enjoy can help you get in the mood, making it a great way to get over a sex drought. Watching what turns you on with the person who turns you on is super arousing. While watching, you and your partner can mutually masturbate or simply get turned on together and see where that leads. We bet foreplay is inevitable.
It can bring you closer
When you watch porn together, you know your partner isn’t hiding anything from you. In fact, they’ll probably share fantasies with you that they may have never told you about otherwise. Doing this together can help you bond and understand that you each can be attracted to or turned on by what other people are doing, but still only want to explore these fantasies with each other.
Whether watching porn with your partner has helped you discover a new fantasy or build up the courage to explore a fetish you’ve always had, we have what you need at Boudoir Noir. Check out our extensive selection of fetish play, lingerie, toys, plugs, and more online or at one of our locations in Evansville or Fort Wayne.
Intrigued now? We thought you would be. Here’s what you need to know about coregasms, what they feel like, and how you can try to have one yourself.
]]>If you’re like most people, you struggle to stick to a routine of working out. What if we told you it could help you reach orgasm?
It’s true — as you max out repetitions of crunches, you may feel a uniquely pleasurable feeling known as a coregasm.
Intrigued now? We thought you would be. Here’s what you need to know about coregasms, what they feel like, and how you can try to have one yourself.
What is a coregasm?
This might be your first time hearing about coregasms, but they aren’t new.
Dr. Alfred Kinsey —- a sexologist and founder of the Institute for Sex Research at Indiana University, now known as the Kinsey Institute — was the first one to mention coregasms in a book published in 1953.
A coregasm is an exercise-induced orgasm that typically happens during intense core workouts. When you exercise, you engage your core muscles, and your body may also end up contracting the pelvic floor muscles, which are essential to having an orgasm. Coregasms tend to happen when the muscles are fatigued.
What does a coregasm feel like?
For women, coregasms may feel similar to vaginal orgasms, but without as much stimulation of the clitoris. Instead, the sensation is often focused in the lower abs, inner thighs, or pelvis.
When men have coregasms, they feel similar to a prostate orgasm. This means it’s a continuous sensation rather than a pulsating one. This feeling may even spread throughout the body and end in ejaculation whether the penis is erect or not.
How can I have a coregasm?
If you want to up your chances of having a coregasm, work on core strengthening exercises and do kegels.
Exercises that are linked to coregasms include crunches, pullups, rope climbing, leg lifts, hip thrusts, and weight lifting. Many of these exercises cause muscles to contract, which can spur a coregasm. Since they’re triggered by fatigue, it’s more important to focus on the repetitions and intensity than the exact exercise you’re doing.
A National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior found that around 10% of people reported having an orgasm from exercise. So as you try this out, just keep in mind that you’re not guaranteed to have one.
Even if you don’t have a coregasm during exercise, you’ll be getting stronger, so you have nothing to lose! And, there are plenty of other orgasms you can also try to have.
No matter what kind of orgasms you’re aiming to have, we’re here to help at Boudoir Noir. Shop online or visit one of our locations in Fort Wayne or Evansville.
]]>Nothing is sexier than confidence.
Having sexual confidence can look like being comfortable with your sexual desires, knowing you’re deserving of pleasure, and being able to communicate what you want with your partner.
Here are some ways to get there.
Get sexually educated
It’s hard to be confident when you aren’t familiar with your body, how it works, and how sex works. Sex education is important so you can better understand sex. When you have this knowledge, you’ll understand how to make sex more pleasurable for both you and your partner. Go ahead, crack open a book or start Googling — it’s a great way to feel empowered.
Learn what you like
Confidence comes from learning and knowing yourself. What turns you on? What would be your ideal sexual experience? What do you want to try, but have held yourself back from? Consider your past sexual experiences and what you do to get yourself in the mood. When you know what to do and what to ask for, it will naturally make you more assured.
Practice communicating what you want
Practice makes perfect. Learn how to communicate what you want with your sexual partners. Figure out how to be direct about what you want. If the thought of saying what you want in the heat of the moment makes you nervous, remember that you can also communicate without words. Try placing your partner’s hands just where you like to be touched. As Paris Hilton would say, that’s hot!
Talk to a therapist
No matter where you are on your sexual confidence journey, talking things out with someone else can help add some perspective. Sex therapists are specially trained in human sexuality and know how to help people overcome matters related to sex and sexuality. Sharing your feelings with a trained therapist is a wonderful way to get things off your chest and learn more about how to grow your confidence.
Practice self-love
You give a lot of attention and praise to people in your life that you love, but do you do the same for yourself? You’re likely your own biggest critic. Practicing self-love can help you grow into a more confident version of yourself. Practicing self-love can take many forms. Try to talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend, take time to do the things you love, and write down or speak positive affirmations. Pleasuring yourself can also be an act of self-love and appreciation.
Recognize what’s influenced you
Media and culture shape and influence us all. If songs, movies and porn are forming your view of sex and what you should be like in the bedroom, take a step back. Keep a realistic perspective. The truth is that sex can be awkward — not straight out of an expertly curated movie scene. Give yourself grace and acknowledge how you formed your beliefs and opinions about yourself so you can move forward.
Develop habits that get you in the mood
This goes hand in hand with learning about yourself. Find out what gets you in the mood and makes you feel sexy and confident. Implement this ritual into your life. This could look like creating a relaxed ambiance, wearing lingerie that makes you feel seductive, taking a moment of meditation before sex, reading erotica, or pleasuring yourself. Find what works for you.
Above all, be patient with yourself. Gaining sexual confidence happens gradually and is a lifelong journey. And at Boudoir Noir, we’re here to help you.
We’re passionate about helping people grow their sexual confidence and love helping people find ways to enhance their sex lives! Shop for new lingerie, toys, and everything in between on our online store or visit one of our locations in Fort Wayne or Evansville.
]]>If you spend hours at the gym every week, maybe you feel like you’ve got your bases covered when it comes to working out. You might want to think again. When was the last time you worked out your pelvic floor?
Allow us to introduce you to kegels, a way to last longer in the bedroom! Some people think kegel exercises are just for women, but they’re actually for anyone with pelvic floor muscles — that’s everyone! Hitting the gym is great, but there are more exercises you can add to your daily routine to have longer-lasting sex.
Kegels are a simple way to enhance your sex life. When you’re ready to get to work, here’s what to do.
How men can do Kegels
Kegels are small contractions of your pelvic floor muscles.
To figure out what muscles you use to do kegels, try to stop and start your stream the next time you’re peeing. Now that you’ve identified these muscles, you can do kegels. As a beginner, it may be easiest to do them while laying down, but they can be done anywhere at any time. In other words, you have no reason to not do them!
To do your kegels, tighten those pelvic muscles you located. Hold this contraction for three seconds, then release for three seconds. Remember to breathe during this process. Your goal should be to do three sets of ten repetitions daily.
How Kegels help men last longer
There are quite a few ways that doing kegels will improve your sex life.
First, kegels improve blood flow to the penis and strengthen muscles that help with erections. This increased blood circulation will help you get and keep erections. Strengthening your pelvic floor muscles by doing kegels can even help you overcome erectile dysfunction.
As you develop stronger pelvic floor muscles, you’ll be able to delay ejaculation by contracting your muscles on demand. One study found that men who experienced premature ejaculation their entire lives were able to last longer after doing kegels for 12 weeks.
Once you’re able to delay orgasm during sex, you can focus on spicing up your sex life. No matter what you’re into, at Boudoir Noir, we have the toys and products that will leave you satisfied.
Stop by one of our Boudoir Noir locations in Evansville or Fort Wayne or shop our online boutique. ]]>The world of anal play is becoming less taboo, but there’s still a lot to learn.
If you’re wondering if using a butt plug during sex can take your orgasm to the next level, the answer is yes.
Here’s how.
How butt plugs work
A butt plug is a sex toy that plugs your butt, with a wide base that prevents it from going too far.
The anus has many sensitive nerve endings and butt plugs help heighten every feeling.
The anal canal doesn’t make a natural lubricant, so always use lube when inserting a butt plug. If you’re a beginner, start small. These are crucial to having an extremely enjoyable sexual experience. Once the butt plug is in, it stays put until you remove it.
Whether you have a vagina or a penis, you’ll experience pleasure from using a butt plug.
How butt plugs intensify orgasms
The anus has many sensitive nerve endings that are stimulated by butt plugs. If you have a vulva, you can hit the back end of the vagina through anal stimulation, which will increase your sexual pleasure. And if you have a penis, a butt plug will apply pressure to your prostate.
When you orgasm, your pelvic floor muscles — including your anal sphincter — contract quickly. Having a butt plug in only intensifies this feeling. As the muscles around the plug squeeze, every sensation is stronger and more intense.
Not only can butt plugs intensify orgasms, but anal orgasms themselves are also real. Whether you’re having sex with a partner or having solo sex, try adding a butt plug next time.
Ready to see for yourself how using a butt plug can intensify your orgasm? You need lube, and of course, a butt plug! We have everything you need at Boudoir Noir. Shop at our locations in Evansville or Fort Wayne or place an order from our online store.
]]>Whether your partner has been naughty or nice, get them a gift they really want this year and turn the most wonderful time of the year into the most horny time of the year.
Not only do masturbating and orgasming feel amazing, but they also have lots of health benefits, so consider sex toys the gifts that keep on giving.
Here’s the ultimate guide to our top toys that are guaranteed to please.
Zero Tolerance Sucking Good Rechargeable Vibrating Pump
This sucking and vibrating masturbator will change his life. A stretchy and soft sleeve inside a vacuum pump feels just like the real thing. This toy even has a feature that goes between sucking and releasing for an incredibly lifelike feel.
This discreet mini stroker and bullet vibe takes getting head to the next level. He can easily hold it on and enjoy how the stimulating massage beads on the inside heighten every sensation.
With a realistic and tight vaginal opening and anal opening, you can’t get closer to the real thing than the Bangin’ Betty. This masturbator is guaranteed to please him.
With this kit, he’ll be a pro at prostate play in no time. The four unique prostate massagers, the guide to prostate pleasure, and the lube that’s included in this kit will help him move from a beginner to advanced.
If he hasn’t masturbated with a toy like this, he hasn’t lived. This sucking vibrating masturbator tightens and squeezes so it feels is as close to the real thing as possible.
This toy will please him and her both! He can slide on the silicone cock ring to increase sensations for him while she can enjoy the seven different vibration functions from the fluttering bunny ear teasers on top of this toy.
For the experienced woman in your life, a strong vibrator is a must. Look no further than the On The Dot Wand, which has a ball-shaped head and powerful motor. It’s also completely submersible.
When it comes to toys for her, it doesn’t get more simple than slipping this on her finger. With over 100 vibrating nubs and one extra-large teaser, she’s surely going to enjoy solo play with this toy.
Hey, there’s a reason rose vibrators go viral. Every woman needs one of these in her nightstand! The Rose uses a suction simulator and air pulsation to please her.
The Satisfyer will absolutely satisfy her — trust us. This vibrator is designed so she can stimulate her clitoris with 11 different intensity levels and 10 amazing vibrations. Plus, it’s waterproof!
They didn’t name this the Climaxer for no reason. It has three speeds, seven functions, and is designed with her clitoris in mind. This toy even has a memory chip that can remember the last function used so she can always easily pick up where she left off. Don’t forget to add in two AAA batteries so she can test this toy out as soon as she desires.
The Queen is a gift fit for the queen in your life. Don’t let its compact shape fool you — it makes a big impact. It’s waterproof, has 20 vibrating speeds, and will be her new go-to.
Now that you have plenty of gift ideas for him and her, it’s time to get shopping! Visit one of our Boudoir Noir locations in Fort Wayne or Evansville or shop online today.
]]>Oral sex is amazing no matter how you position it, but when is the last time you changed things up from your typical positions?
Of course, laying down and 69ing are classics, but there are plenty of other positions you may not have tried yet. As you try out new oral sex positions, make sure you let your partner know just how good of a job they’re doing — it could get them hot and bothered!
Doggy style
Doggy style is more than a traditional sex position — it’s also great for oral! The receiver can get on all fours or arch their back to lift their butt in the air while the receiver gives them head from behind.
In this position, the giver and receiver both have plenty of control. The giver can control how much pressure they apply while the receiver can move back and forth or raise or lower their butt to get in just the right position. You may never go back to 69ing!
Face sitting
This one may be up there with 69 in terms of being an absolute classic. This position is as self-explanatory as it sounds — the receiver sits on the giver's face. This is a fun position that allows the receiver to rock their hips back and forth, allowing them more involved and in control than in other positions.
Kivin method
For a more intense oral sex experience, use the Kivin Method. It’s similar to sideways oral, but not the same and is specifically for people with vulvas.
Start by having the receiver — who has a vulva — lie on their back. The giver should then place their body perpendicular. Now, the receiver will probably want to wrap their leg around the giver’s back.
The Kivin Method has many benefits, like allowing for more vulva and clitoral stimulation. It’s also the perfect oral sex position to add a position pillow under the receiver’s hips.
Giraffe
In this position, have the giver lay on their back with their head hanging slightly over the bed. Then, have the receiver stand at the edge of the bed and leans over until their genitals can reach the giver’s mouth. This is a great position for deep-throating, and it gives the receiver the freedom to touch the giver.
Just keep in mind that the position of the neck for the receiver, this one is best for a quickie. If the receiver feels pain on their neck, switch positions.
Standing up
In this oral sex position, the receiver should stand against the wall with their legs spread and hips pushed forward while the giver sits or kneels on the floor. To make this position more comfortable for the giver, put a pillow on the floor.
One of the perks of this position? It can be done pretty much anywhere, so go ahead, get spontaneous. This position is also perfect for seeing how long it takes for the receiver to get weak in the knees!
Edge of the bed
Think of this position as the opposite of the giraffe. Have the receiver lie on their back on the bed, then scoot to the edge of the bed so their feet are hanging off the bed but their torso is on the bed. The receiver can kneel on the floor and have easy access to their partner’s genitals, and if the receiver needs more stability, they can put their legs on the giver’s shoulders.
Oral sex is lots of fun, and aside from switching up positions, you can also try out adding in new toys or exploring temperature play!
Stop into Boudoir Noir in Fort Wayne or Evansville or shop online to check out our incredible selection of toys and products.
]]>You’ve likely heard a lot about foreplay and how important it is, but what about what happens after sex?
Sexual aftercare is all about how you and your partner care for each other after sex. Think of it like tying up loose ends into a neat bow.
If you’ve ever helped your partner get dressed after sex or cuddled up to watch your favorite show together after, you’ve already practiced aftercare! By checking in with each other’s mental, physical, and emotional needs, you can help each other feel safe and seen.
Why it matters
Maybe you’ve heard the term aftercare in association with the BDSM community. That’s because sex that involves bondage, domination and submission, and other common elements of BDSM can be pretty intense. That makes aftercare very important in this community so everyone can feel grounded and ready to get back to reality.
Aftercare is important for any sexual experience, though, since it’s important to process the sexual experience and discuss what you liked or didn’t like with your partner. Debriefing helps prevent the emotional comedown that follows sex.
That comedown is very real since, during sex, dopamine and other feel-good chemicals and hormones are released. It’s part of what makes having sex so fun! But once sex is finished and those hormones decrease, it can lead to an emotional comedown. There are other personal reasons that post-sex can be a draining emotional experience, such as internal guilt and shame around sex or feeling uncomfortable in one’s body. That makes aftercare all the more important.
Ways to practice sexual aftercare
Sexual aftercare can take many forms — there’s no checklist or one right way to do it. What this looks like may also depend on the nature of your relationship with your partner. Aftercare may feel especially vulnerable when you’re having sex outside of a relationship, but having your needs met is important no matter the relationship status.
Aftercare goes beyond just cleaning up and using the bathroom after sex, though doing those things is important, too. Here’s what aftercare can look like:
If you don’t have a ton of time, don’t worry — aftercare can still be part of your sex life (yes, even when the kids will wake up soon or dinner is in the oven). Wipe each other down, help each other get dressed, and spend even just a short moment together before getting back to the hustle and bustle of life.
Add something new to your aftercare routine
Visit us in-store or online to find something new to add to your aftercare routine, like massage oils to wind down.
Once you make aftercare a part of your sexual experiences, you’ll never look back!
]]>We all crave control in our lives in some way or another. If you’re ready to be assertive in your BDSM relationship, being a Dominatrix can be an empowering way to learn about yourself and your partner.
A Dominatrix takes the dominant role in a BDSM relationship, whether physically, psychologically, or both, and being in control is incredibly powerful! When you’re ready to step into this new world, crank up S&M by Rihanna and keep the following things in mind.
Discuss your limits and set boundaries
Before you and your partner get freaky, talk about how far you’re willing to go. Learn about your submissive’s desires and figure out what’s completely off-limits for you both. It’s important the submissive knows what to expect, too. Setting these expectations and boundaries will make the sessions go as smoothly as possible for you both.
As with any kink, it’s also critical to determine a safe word or motion so boundaries aren’t crossed.
Explore getting into character
With dominance comes confidence. Pick a theme for your session and get dressed in what makes you feel powerful, whether that’s leather, lingerie, latex, mesh, a mask, or any other outfit. These looks are staples in the BDSM community for a reason — they make you feel empowered! Have fun when shaping your Dominatrix identity. Practice what you plan to say and do while looking in the mirror to get yourself in the right headspace.
Prepare for aftercare
Aftercare is all about how you and your partner care for one another after sex. Remove any bondage and gags. Bring the environment back to reality by talking about what feelings the session brought up and what worked and what didn’t work. This debrief will help you leave the session feeling grounded and better prepared for next time.
Learn how to use toys and fetish products
If your partner is interested in bondage or a particular fetish, learn about what you’ll need to make these desires become reality. Learn about how to safely use what you’re going to bring in during the session. At Boudoir Noir, we’re here to answer any questions you have, whether it’s about nipple clamps, restraints, whips, gags — you name it.
Ready to get some experience ahead of your first session? At Boudoir Noir, we have a selection of BDSM and fetish products with Dominatrices in mind. Stop into one of our locations in Evansville or Fort Wayne or shop our online store.
]]>If you’re looking to turn up the heat in the bedroom, why not do just that — literally?
Exploring temperature play can add an exciting new element to your sex life. Temperature play is when different temperatures are used to excite the senses and add extra stimulation to the body, which has many temperature receptors. It’s often associated with BDSM, but anyone can explore it, even if you don’t have experience with other forms of play in the bedroom.
Temperature play can involve the use of nearly anything, including food, sex toys, wax, and ice.
Tips and tricks for getting started with temperature play
Before you dive right in, there are a few important things to take note of. Consent is necessary for any sexual experience, so have a conversation with your partner before incorporating temperature play into your sex life.
When using different temperatures, always be sure to test the temperature of whatever you’re using for safety. Too extreme of a temperature can be uncomfortable, especially on sensitive areas of the body like nipples. And, when bringing in food, wax, or other fun elements, make sure you have a towel nearby and anything else you’ll need for the clean-up process.
As always, communicate with each other frequently — what you enjoy or the pain you can endure without crossing a line may not be the same threshold that your partner has. Come up with a safe word with your partner so you know that if either of you says it, the temperature play will stop.
Cold temperature activities
Temperature play activities are seemingly endless! Naturally, ice is a great way to get started with cold temperature play. Ice cubes can be rubbed up and down the body — with your hand or by holding the ice cube in your mouth — which gives the recipient a unique sensation, especially near sensitive areas like nipples. Or, incorporate cold foods, like ice cream or popsicles, that can be licked off the body.
You can follow that up by licking or sucking where the ice was for a quick change to a warm temperature. Blowing on an area that was just cold can also create a fun sensation. You can also chill your sex toys by putting them in the fridge or in cold water — glass toys are perfect for both cold and hot temperature play!
Be aware that cold temperatures can be numbing to the genitals, so as a beginner, stick to areas like nipples and inner thighs.
Hot temperature activities
If you haven’t ever incorporated warming sex toys and warming or cooling lubricants into your sex life, you’re in for a treat! Warm toys can relieve pain, heighten arousal, and help you completely relax. Draping a hot towel across your lover can also help them relax and truly enjoy every feeling.
Remember when we mentioned ice cubes and cold food on the body? Temperature play works both ways, so swap those items for warm oils and wax. We recommend our sexy drip candles, made with your pleasure (and safety) in mind. With a low melting temperature, they’re ideal for hot temperature play and can be dripped along the body from two to three feet above. When you’re done, removing the melted wax can be a fun way to touch your partner.
Something as simple as drinking a warm drink like tea before going down on your partner can make your mouth even warmer on them than usual. Just be sure to avoid sugary drinks before giving head to avoid any infections for your partner.
It can feel especially good to hear in the bedroom. If you agree, try exploring the praise kink. People with a praise kink have a sexual response to compliments, praise, encouragement, and recognition.
]]>You’re doing a great job.
It feels good to hear, doesn’t it?
It can feel especially good to hear in the bedroom. If you agree, try exploring the praise kink. People with a praise kink have a sexual response to compliments, praise, encouragement, and recognition.
Why It Works
You may be thinking but wait, everyone loves being praised! But the praise kink goes further than just that nice feeling you get when someone compliments you. Compliments in general won’t elicit a sexual response — it depends on the context and situation.
The praise kink can work hand in hand with BDSM and other kinds of fetishes, and there’s actually even some science behind the praise kink. Positive reinforcement and compliments light up the reward centers in the brain. It’s gratifying to know that what you’re doing in the bedroom is working.
Do You Have A Praise Kink?
Picture you and your partner getting hot and heavy. Now imagine hearing them tell you what an amazing job you’re doing, how incredible you are, and how sexy you look while pleasing them. If that turns you on, you probably have a praise kink.
Or, think about your past sexual experiences and sexual fantasies. Did positive reinforcement that you were doing a good job turn you on?
Many people may not even know that they have a praise kink because they haven’t tried it. Or, maybe you’ve already been incorporating the kink into your sex life without even realizing it! If you tend to be a people pleaser and seek that validation, try incorporating more dirty talk and praise in your sex life. To have the best sex possible, be vocal with your partner about what turns you on.
How To Tap Into A Praise Kink
If you or your partner has a praise kink, it’s important to know how to tap into it. It isn’t roleplay — the praise has to be sincere to really get the recipient turned on. Compliments before, during, and after sex can do the trick and so can dirty talk.
Here are some common phrases to try:
Praise doesn’t always have to be verbal — try actions like kissing your partner’s forehead and admiring their body. Don’t hold back from moaning, either! Knowing your partner is pleased can be enough in itself. If you’re on the receiving end of compliments, let your partner know how much you enjoy their words and noises of affirmation.