Updated 2.10.26
You might already reach for a vibrator during solo time—but have you and your partner explored using sex toys together? Bringing toys into partnered play can be an exciting way to add variety, deepen intimacy, and discover new kinds of pleasure together. When approached with openness and curiosity, toys don’t complicate your connection—they enhance it.
That said, trying something new can feel a little vulnerable. If you’re not sure how to start the conversation or what steps to take, you’re not alone. The good news? Introducing sex toys can be a positive, playful experience when you move at a pace that feels right for both of you. Here’s how to get started.
Start the Conversation in a Way That Fits Your Relationship
Every relationship has its own communication style—especially when it comes to sex. If you and your partner don’t often talk about intimacy outside the bedroom, ease into the topic gently. Start by sharing what you enjoy, asking what they like, or talking about fantasies in a low-pressure way.
If sex is already an open and easy topic between you, you may feel comfortable jumping right in. There’s no “right” approach—what matters is honoring your dynamic and making sure both of you feel heard and respected.
Talk About Comfort Levels and Curiosity
Sex toys come in all shapes, sizes, and vibes, so it’s helpful to talk through what sounds exciting—and what doesn’t. Some couples like to start with toys designed for shared pleasure, such as vibrating cock rings or remote-controlled bullet vibrators. Others may be curious about toys that focus on one partner’s pleasure, like external vibrators or gentle anal stimulators.
There’s no need to rush or try everything at once. Treat this as an ongoing conversation, not a one-time decision.
Shop Together for a Shared Experience
One of the best ways to make toys feel like a “we” thing? Shop together. Whether you visit a store in person or browse online side-by-side, choosing toys together ensures everyone feels included and excited.
Plus, talking about how you might use a toy before you even get home can build anticipation—and that’s half the fun.
Emphasize That Toys Enhance, Not Replace
A common concern is that a toy might make a partner feel unnecessary or insecure. Reassure each other that toys are there to add to the experience, not replace intimacy or connection. Keep the focus on how much you enjoy your partner, and use toys as a tool to explore that pleasure together.
When a toy helps you feel more turned on by your partner, it usually becomes a win for everyone.
Give It Time and Keep Communicating
Your first time using a toy together doesn’t have to be perfect. Laugh if something feels awkward, talk about what worked, and be honest about what you’d like to try differently next time. Like anything new, it gets better with practice—and communication.
Introducing sex toys is a journey, not a finish line. Stay curious, stay kind to each other, and most of all, have fun with it.