The media, books, and TV shows make it seem like everyone is having sex all the time. But how much are happy couples actually doing the deed? Is there a magic number that leads to a certain level of happiness?
If you have that question, you’re not alone. There are many people out there who wonder, ‘Are we having sex enough? What is our sex life like compared to people we know?’
Maybe you’ve had this conversation with your friends to gain a little bit of insight into the lives of those around you. Or, maybe this topic isn’t something you’re comfortable discussing with your friends, so it’s just been burning a hole in your brain for months, or even years. Either way, we’re here to help.
Talk with your partner
First of all, we’d like to lay out the disclaimer that you should be having sex as often or as little as you and your partner are both happy with. It doesn’t matter what the research says if you and your partner are happy with your sex life. All people and all relationships require sex differently. Some have higher sex drives and prefer to do the deed more frequently than others. As long as you and your partner are in line, it doesn’t quite matter what anyone else says.
We recommend having a conversation with your partner in order to figure out if they are happy with your sex life. Keep in mind that our sexual needs change throughout different stages in life. Through particularly trying for stressful times, you may find that you or your partner’s sex drive decreases. That’s normal. Other times, when we’re more carefree, we might be into it more, and that’s OK too. Hormones, what’s going on in our bodies, and stress levels play an enormous role in our libido.
So, if you start to feel down on yourself or question whether you and your partner are truly happy, we really urge you not to go down that rabbit hole. As long as you two are happy, there’s no one size fits all approach to a successful relationship.
However, you might consider using this bit of research as an interesting conversation starter with your partner.
What research shows
Research shows that “happy couples” who were surveyed had sex an average of 54 times per year, which breaks down to be about once a week. This is an average, so there are many couples surveyed having sex less frequently as well as more frequently. So, what’s the norm? Normal, again, is whatever feels good to both you and your partner. Every relationship is different.
Want to have more sex?
If you would like to be intimate with your partner more frequently, we have some tools that can help you do that.
- Start the conversation.
Beginning the conversation with your partner about wanting to be intimate more often shouldn’t be scary. Using the scientific research could be a good conversation starter. However, not all partners will respond to that in a positive way. You could also try a slightly more indirect approach where you mention that you miss being intimate with him or her, or even try to initiate the behavior without talking about it first.
- Introduce some new fun into the bedroom.
There are many ways to switch things up in the sack. As a romance and fantasy boutique, we have many options for things you can use. Perhaps start small with something like a position pillow that will help you to achieve deeper positions. Or, jump right in and introduce toys like vibrators or cock rings. Once you experiment, you’re sure to find something that hits the spot and helps you have better sex than ever.
- Recognize differences in your sex drives and put a plan in place to overcome them
If you and your partner have different levels of sex drives, whoever has a higher sex drive might want or need to keep some solo sex toys around. By doing this, you or your partner can enjoy the number of orgasms needed without the need to involve the other. Know that if you go this route, we don’t recommend keeping this from your partner. We always recommend keeping the lines of communication open.
To learn more about different ways to introduce more sex in the relationship, check out our blog.
To see our selection of toys, visit our online shop or stop in to one of our locations in Fort Wayne or Evansville.