By: Javay - The Millennial Sexpert
Spring cleaning is a common ritual for many of us to prepare our spaces/lives for all the newness that the new season will be bringing, but why not extend your spring cleaning to your sex life? It is really easy for our sex lives to become monotonous or stale, but a little spring clean can revitalize and refresh your sex life. Here are a few ways you can spring clean your sex life.
Take A Look at Your Sex Life
Before you start throwing things out or completely revamping take a look at the current status of your sex life. You can journal to intentionally reflect, but you are going to want to think about three important things: pleasure, experience, and novelty. Would you say that your sex life is currently pleasurable? Are there things that are pleasurable to you and some things that are not? What are your sexual experiences like? Do you feel like you are heard by your partner(s) in terms of what you want? Do you feel like you speak up for yourself during sexual activity? Is there any novelty in your sex life? Are you repeating the same patterns (the way you masturbate, how partnered activity is initiated, etc.)? When you have a better idea of the moving pieces you can proceed with actual “spring cleaning”.
It’s Not Me, It’s You
If your reflection illuminated that some (or most) of the staleness of your sex life stems from a partner, take stock of that. Now, if you are in a committed/long-term relationship it is better to have a conversation with your partner(s) about shaking things up and igniting that flame. But if you are more so having casual hook ups and have a roster that you rotate it may be time to bench some folks and recruit new talent that listens to you and is aligned in terms of what you are looking for with your sexual interactions.
Brush Up Those Communication Skills
Now it may seem like spring cleaning doesn’t require communication, but you can’t just throw out every aspect of your sex life, especially if it involves others, so making sure you are communicating as best as you can is important. To brush up on your communication skills you are going to want to pay attention to what is and isn't working with your communication. Are you actively listening to your partner(s)? Are you being honest and direct when communicating with them? If you see that direct communication is a struggle for you, getyou get into the practice of rehearsing things before having the conversation with the actual person. Stand in front of the mirror and practice what you plan on saying.
Reconnect With Yourself
Even if you are in a sexual relationship with someone else, the center of your sex life is yourself and reconnecting with yourself is an important part of spring cleaning. It is very easy for us to disconnect from ourselves with the hustle and bustle of our day to day and though it may not seem like it impacts you sexually our daily lives can greatly impact our sex lives. There are a few ways to reconnect with yourself: mindful masturbation, self-love day, and embodiment practices. Mindful masturbation turns masturbation into a meditative practice that helps you to fully experience and be present for every sensation you feel. You can do this by starting with a meditation, find one on YouTube or use a meditation app like Balance or Aura, and after you have meditated a little start masturbating. A self-love day is exactly what it sounds like, a day where all you do is love on yourself how you want to be loved. This looks different for everyone and doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual in nature. You can take yourself out on a solo date to eat and the movies, spoil yourself with a spa day to truly relax, or just spend a day on the couch watching a show you have been dying to watch but hadn’t made time for. With a self-love day you are going to intentionally make space to give yourself what you want or need. Giving yourself what you want or need in a non-sexual setting can help to make it easier to do in sexual situations. Embodiment practices help you to connect and focus on you as an erotic being. It is an intentional practice that can focus on a multitude of erotic activities from writing/reading erotica, self-stimulation, being present in one’s body, to so much more.
Physical Spring Cleaning
Now that you are more connected to yourself and your partner it is important to do the physical aspects of spring cleaning. For this you are going to start with lubes and barrier methods (condoms). Did you know that lubes and condoms expire? Well, they do and I am guessing you probably haven’t checked those expiration dates, so go do that. For condoms they are on the back of the wrappers and with lubes they are usually on the bottom or side of the bottle. If it is expired, get rid of it and get some new ones. I recommend Pjur Aqua if you are wanting a water-based lube and UberLube if you are looking for a silicone lube. The next thing to spring clean are your sex toys. Get rid of the toys that you don’t like or that don’t work anymore. Be sure to wash and charge all your top toys so they are ready when you are. And if you are reallyyou really trying to do a spring refresh look into some new toys. Satisfyer has updated their Pro 2 with the 3rd generation and the We-Vibe Tease Us kit is a great couples option.
Let’s Fung Shei
Lastly, update your space. When is the last time that you revamped your bedroom? Maybe it’s time to rearrange the room or add to the space with some smell good candles or incense, update the bedding, and add some romance to the room to really set the mood for sexy time. The space you are in plays a major role in your mood and energy and if you want your mood to be sexier make your space sexier.
These are just a few ways to spring clean your sex life to reignite the spark, by yourself or with a partner(s). Just remember that your sex life can be anything you want it to be so clean it and revamp as you see fit. There’s not one-size-fits all for a sex life, but they all can use a refresh from time to time.