What is BDSM?

You’ve read or seen 50 Shades of Grey. You’ve sung along to Rihanna’s hit song S&M. But you’re not sure exactly what it all means. We’re here to break it down for you.

BDSM is an acronym for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. It’s a type of fetish that’s been growing in popularity over recent years. There are even BDSM dating apps on the market today! 

BDSM can be fun, safe, and arousing, but it’s important to do your research before engaging in these kinds of sex acts with your partner - you want to ensure you have the knowledge to do it safely. Complete, open consent is crucial, as is starting out slowly, because varying levels of uncomfortability can ensue when you’re experimenting with bondage, dominance, sadism, and the like. 

So, first off, what are these things? Let’s define them. 

Bondage and discipline typically refers to restraints and setting rules that your partner must obey, often punishing them as discipline if they do not comply. 

Dominance and submission is a form of role playing where one partner takes complete control over the other. 

Sadism is defined in the dictionary as, ‘the tendency to derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others.’ This would be something that the dominant partner might feel. 

Masochism, on the other hand, refers to getting sexual pleasure from one’s own pain or humiliation. This is something that the submissive partner might feel. 

Now, how do you make this type of play fun while honoring everyone’s boundaries? This is typically done through the use of safe words. Safe words are predetermined words that have a specific meaning, typically telling your partner to either stop or slow down what they are doing. 

Many people use the traffic light system to make safe words easy to remember and understand. In this system:

Green is the go ahead to continue.

Yellow means to slow down, because maybe you were enjoying what they were doing but it became too much.

Red is a hard, immediate stop or revoking of consent. 

Utilizing a system such as this, and listening to your partner without opposition, helps to ensure everyone involved has an enjoyable experience. 

When you’re ready to engage in BDSM practices, we urge you to talk to your partner, learn about each other's boundaries, and discuss a safe word system. When done correctly, BDSM can certainly lead to a deeper connection and greater sense of trust. Starting slowly and with some smaller actions and building up to what you’ve seen on screen (if you ever want to get there - there is no need to recreate Christian Grey’s dungeon in your bedroom if you don’t want to) allows you to push your boundaries and discover new things you like.