How To Get Over A Sex Drought

You and your partner haven’t had sex in how long?!

This might be something that’s eating away at you and causing you stress. If so, you’re not alone. People in marriages, partnerships, and other kinds of long-term relationships experience sex droughts, or long periods of time where they don’t engage in sexual behaviors. 

For some, these droughts aren’t a big deal. For others, they’re a big source of stress. 

Reasons for sexual dry spells depend on the couple, but they typically come down to one main factor: stress. Whether the stress affecting your relationship is based on finances, kids, work, or family drama, it doesn’t change the fact that your or your partner are typically just too preoccupied and exhausted to even think about getting busy. 

Don’t worry. We’re here to help you out of it! Here are 8 ways to get over a sex drought. 

• Get honest with yourself. 

The first step is to have an honest conversation with yourself about the kinds of stress you’re feeling and what you’re doing to care for yourself through trying times. Stress is normal and it’s always going to be there, but the way we handle it can vary. What can you do to help yourself get better about managing your stress? Maybe it’s something as simple as setting boundaries, but it could also be something more intense that requires the help of a medical or mental health professional.

• Talk to your partner about the dry spell. 

Talking to your partner about what’s going on is extremely important. Open up the dialogue by telling your partner how much you love him or her and expressing the concerns you learned when turning inward. Talk about the ways you can help one another to overcome your stressors. Sometimes even just talking about these things can help.  

• Take better care of yourself. 

Whether physically or mentally, it’s important to take better care of yourself. If you find yourself feeling out of touch with your body, try new ways to discover and connect with it. Perhaps try out a new kind of exercise or commit to eating nutritious foods for a week and see how you feel. Maybe even try on a new piece of lingerie or a killer new outfit as an act of self care. If you’re tense, a massage might work. Whatever you think you need to do to help your mind and body feel best is what you should explore. 

• Plan a date night. 

Physical intimacy ebbs and flows in a relationship, but sometimes connecting emotionally can help you to reinvigorate your physical connection. Take time to do something fun with your partner. We recommend doing an activity that allows you both to laugh and enjoy each other’s company. You could even something physical like bowling or axe throwing. 

• Sleep naked.

What’s a better way to remind yourself and your partner of the hotness your physical body possesses than to bare it all when you sleep? Sleeping in the nude can help you to get back in touch with your body and even learn to cherish the feeling of skin on skin contact. Notice the way the sheets feel on hotspots like your back, breasts, and lower abdomen. 

• Watch or read some porn. 

Doing something sexy like watching or reading something erotic can help you to get in the mood. This one’s a no brainer. If you aren’t feeling hot, watching or reading about sexy behaviors might help put you in the mood.

• Bring a new sex toy into the bedroom.

It can be hard to even think about sex toys when you’re feeling so distracted that sex falls to wayside, but it can also help a lot if you push through it. Exploring uncharted territory by trying out a new sexy toy will help you to begin thinking about getting intimate again. It might take a few trips to the store before you’re ready to make a purchase, but learning about all of the different things that toys can be used for is going to get your imagination running. 

• Do breathwork to help you live in the moment. 

It may seem strange, but breathing can lead to better sex. Focusing on your breath is a great way to both calm the nervous system down and make yourself aware of the sensations you’re feeling in your body.